CHANEL: The Kaiser Advances

Someone spray down the BSD right now, because Chanel has just set his precious, astonishing, and awe-inspiring loins afire.

Kaiser, sir [the BSD does not do reverence lightly], on behalf of my loins, the loins of millions of men, my dreams later this evening, on behalf of these fine young women whom you've made appear gawky, teenaged, and inexperienced, on behalf of a caucus of gentlemen whom, like myself, can spot Daddy Issues miles away and, like a very sick magnet, are inexplicably and inexorably drawn to them and their beholders, on behalf of the next year or two of the BSD's sordid existence, and on behalf of DIQG, for whom the BSD will pillage, plunder, rape, and toss asunder simply to make sure she is outfitted in these gowns of exquisite glamour and comeliness, I say thank you.

Thus, then, was Beauty sent from heaven,
The lovely ministress of Truth and Good
In this dark world: for Truth and Good are one;
And Beauty dwells in them, and they in her,
With like participation,

As the BSD dwells deep within the soft nethers

of Good DIQG's lace panties,

And puts upon her with great force,

A firm and sensual mutting.